I love facebook. I love the fact that I can stalk any ones life with the clash of a couple keys and a couple clicks from a mouse. I can see who you’re dating. Who your top friends are. Christ, I can even see when you’re going to be out and about on the town so I can break into your house and steal your TV.
Facebook: Not fucking serious – At all. Stop acting like it.
“Are you guys FBO yet?” Have you heard this crockery? It stands For “FaceBook Official” and it means you threw your life away and any chance of snagging vag on the reg via the social networking site. This shit is not serious, but eighteen year old girls the world over feel that if it’s not F.B.O it’s not real.
Shit just got real.
Oh no! You broke up with me on facebook! This is serious. I should cry my self to sleep. I like the fact that I can like when people become single with a click of a button. How’s your heartache, bro? Hurts more now that all 854 of your pseudo-friends know you got your ass dumped because you wouldn’t cook her meatloaf and rub her feet every night.
I’m gonna come up with basic guidelines for use of the site Facebook. Ready?
1.This is the internet. Not drama class. Talking shit about other people on your status makes you look like a fucking retard.
“omfg when I see u ima fuck u up” – No you ain’t. Shut the fuck up. You’ll see whoever it is you’re talking about (probably just talking shit cause the person doesn’t even exist) and you’ll be all “Oh, Hey man. Long time.”
2. No one cares. I promise. Are you lonely? Get the fuck off facebook and go to a bar and wallow in your self deprecating bullshit.
“omg my mom is so mean. im grounded for a week!” – Wah. Cry about it. How about you stop bitching and complaining about how you got grounded or how your girlfriend is a cunt because she fucked your best friends (all of them) behind your back. Nobody but you cares. Every one else is just pretending.
3. Serial Tagging of people in status’. Whoa – cool. You’re tagging people you actually are hanging out with tonight? I’m fucking jealous. Look how cool you are.
“@stupidwhore friend @otherstupidwhorefriend @dudewhostryingtofuckme @ fatkidwehangouttomake funof OUT WITH MY FAVES DOING IT BIG.” Then they self like it. (super faggotry. I’ll get more to that in a second.) Every one your facebook is now aware that you are too legit to quit. You have real friends that you’re hanging out with and no one is going to stop you. – Chances the serial tagger hangs out with real people a lot. Slim to none.
4. Self liking your status is fucking worthless. Be more vain, please.
Steve Bazucki is all that and a bag of skittles. *clicks like* “That will show every one how I serious I really am. The only proper time to self like is when you put up something shitty about your self. I.E “..is a scumbag” “…loves dick in my ass.” “… can smell her own vagina.” You get the picture.
5. Joining groups. Stop joining every single one.
Steve Bazucki likes The Redsox and 112 other other pages
.
You see that up there? That means you have way too much time on your hands. Take your left hand off your cock and your right hand away from the mouse and just stop. People get it. You like Ninja Turtles and you think people born in 1980-1990 had the most common sense.You’re wrong though. No one has common sense. That shit Darwined (Noun as a verb, wut?) its way out of society thousands of years ago.
6. Farmville, Mafiawars, and Bejewled. These are like Meth. Not even once. People won’t talk to you. Your family will disown you and your significant other will leave you for some one who isn’t a faggot.
Stop playing these games. They’re useless. You just click on some shit. No thinking involved. Nothing. It can’t even be catergorized as a game. A game is something that takes skill. I hate to ruin your life goal of being the biggest faggot on earth, but making a sweet farm on facebook makes you look like a fifty year old widow.
You’re allowed to make a swastika farm with a black man tilling cotton. That is all.
7. Hanging out with some one once, adding them as a friend on facebook.
Chances are that person fucking hates you anyways. They were just dealing with you because you just happened to be there. I got a friend who’s girlfriend is fucking notorious for this shit. “Oh snap, you were where I was so lets be friends!”
Shits creepy, bro. If you’re a girl it’s even creepier. Get some self esteem and real friends. Also – being friends with some one on facebook does not mean you are actual friends. Actual friends do things for one another. Not just like one an others status’ every now and again.
8. Posting links and other useless bullshit makes people delete you from their feed.
No one thinks that Enya song from 1993 is good. No one in 1993 even thought it was good. Don’t post it. I mean, I post links to shit that I created my self. That’s O.K in my book because, well, I do it and I can do no wrong.
A picture of a duck slipping on ice and it says “ow!” as a caption. Wow. So glad you posted that up on my feed.
9. Invitations to things around the area. Feel free to RSVP to shit. Don’t feel free to make invitations for shit that doesn’t matter.
Having a mild rager at your house? Alright. You couldn’t just fucking call the people and tell them? You want every one in the world to see you’re having it, don’t you? They’re not invited. Neener neener boo boo. You showed them.
10. Facebook is not serious business.
It just isn’t. Enjoy your day.
Facebook: Not fucking serious – At all. Stop acting like it.
“Are you guys FBO yet?” Have you heard this crockery? It stands For “FaceBook Official” and it means you threw your life away and any chance of snagging vag on the reg via the social networking site. This shit is not serious, but eighteen year old girls the world over feel that if it’s not F.B.O it’s not real.
Shit just got real.
Oh no! You broke up with me on facebook! This is serious. I should cry my self to sleep. I like the fact that I can like when people become single with a click of a button. How’s your heartache, bro? Hurts more now that all 854 of your pseudo-friends know you got your ass dumped because you wouldn’t cook her meatloaf and rub her feet every night.
I’m gonna come up with basic guidelines for use of the site Facebook. Ready?
1.This is the internet. Not drama class. Talking shit about other people on your status makes you look like a fucking retard.
“omfg when I see u ima fuck u up” – No you ain’t. Shut the fuck up. You’ll see whoever it is you’re talking about (probably just talking shit cause the person doesn’t even exist) and you’ll be all “Oh, Hey man. Long time.”
2. No one cares. I promise. Are you lonely? Get the fuck off facebook and go to a bar and wallow in your self deprecating bullshit.
“omg my mom is so mean. im grounded for a week!” – Wah. Cry about it. How about you stop bitching and complaining about how you got grounded or how your girlfriend is a cunt because she fucked your best friends (all of them) behind your back. Nobody but you cares. Every one else is just pretending.
3. Serial Tagging of people in status’. Whoa – cool. You’re tagging people you actually are hanging out with tonight? I’m fucking jealous. Look how cool you are.
“@stupidwhore friend @otherstupidwhorefriend @dudewhostryingtofuckme @ fatkidwehangouttomake funof OUT WITH MY FAVES DOING IT BIG.” Then they self like it. (super faggotry. I’ll get more to that in a second.) Every one your facebook is now aware that you are too legit to quit. You have real friends that you’re hanging out with and no one is going to stop you. – Chances the serial tagger hangs out with real people a lot. Slim to none.
4. Self liking your status is fucking worthless. Be more vain, please.
Steve Bazucki is all that and a bag of skittles. *clicks like* “That will show every one how I serious I really am. The only proper time to self like is when you put up something shitty about your self. I.E “..is a scumbag” “…loves dick in my ass.” “… can smell her own vagina.” You get the picture.
5. Joining groups. Stop joining every single one.
Steve Bazucki likes The Redsox and 112 other other pages
.
You see that up there? That means you have way too much time on your hands. Take your left hand off your cock and your right hand away from the mouse and just stop. People get it. You like Ninja Turtles and you think people born in 1980-1990 had the most common sense.You’re wrong though. No one has common sense. That shit Darwined (Noun as a verb, wut?) its way out of society thousands of years ago.
6. Farmville, Mafiawars, and Bejewled. These are like Meth. Not even once. People won’t talk to you. Your family will disown you and your significant other will leave you for some one who isn’t a faggot.
Stop playing these games. They’re useless. You just click on some shit. No thinking involved. Nothing. It can’t even be catergorized as a game. A game is something that takes skill. I hate to ruin your life goal of being the biggest faggot on earth, but making a sweet farm on facebook makes you look like a fifty year old widow.
You’re allowed to make a swastika farm with a black man tilling cotton. That is all.
7. Hanging out with some one once, adding them as a friend on facebook.
Chances are that person fucking hates you anyways. They were just dealing with you because you just happened to be there. I got a friend who’s girlfriend is fucking notorious for this shit. “Oh snap, you were where I was so lets be friends!”
Shits creepy, bro. If you’re a girl it’s even creepier. Get some self esteem and real friends. Also – being friends with some one on facebook does not mean you are actual friends. Actual friends do things for one another. Not just like one an others status’ every now and again.
8. Posting links and other useless bullshit makes people delete you from their feed.
No one thinks that Enya song from 1993 is good. No one in 1993 even thought it was good. Don’t post it. I mean, I post links to shit that I created my self. That’s O.K in my book because, well, I do it and I can do no wrong.
A picture of a duck slipping on ice and it says “ow!” as a caption. Wow. So glad you posted that up on my feed.
9. Invitations to things around the area. Feel free to RSVP to shit. Don’t feel free to make invitations for shit that doesn’t matter.
Having a mild rager at your house? Alright. You couldn’t just fucking call the people and tell them? You want every one in the world to see you’re having it, don’t you? They’re not invited. Neener neener boo boo. You showed them.
10. Facebook is not serious business.
It just isn’t. Enjoy your day.
